I have not written a post on this blog in four months. In that time, however, I have agonized over not writing anything on a regular basis. A blog, I think, is a great way to flirt with madness.
On the one hand, I figure that writing here is a way to be informal and still sort of publish something, a "business casual" outfit, as it were. It gives me a chance to play around with ideas, and to write about things that pique my interest, without feeling the tension that comes with deadlines.
At the same time, a blog also triggers all the anxieties I have about writing, like "What if the things I write are completely boring to everyone other than me," or "What if I run out of ideas?" And this is on an informal platform for writing. So it builds the idea that I really cannot write anything interesting--if not a simple blog post, how will I ever write a script, story, or article worth reading?--which in turn makes me shrink away from writing that much more, and on and on.
So after a four-month absence, I decided to squinch my eyes shut, scream loudly, and run back to my blog to see how badly I messed everything up by not writing on here for so long. And, it turns out, it's not that bad. My posts are not overrun with spam comments for sex pills; in fact, it looks like I've had at least modest pageviews in the intervening time. People find the articles that interest them, which is all I could ever want.
And though I feel compelled to write something about why I was not writing on here for a while, I don't think that's a good idea. I suspect the Internet is lousy with blogs that are about five posts, four of them apologies. And the only people who would take any interest in why I've felt too busy to write would be close enough to me that a blog is poor choice for informing them. And really, what needs to be said? "I intend to write, shit comes up, and I get lazy."
One thing that I really like about a blog is that I can fill it with assorted information, and audiences will find their way to whatever they like. Someone might like my entries on pulp fiction, someone else might like my entries on the archives world. Few if any people probably want to read everything I write on here. And while it would be awesome if I could write brilliant things all the time, that's not going to happen. So I will keep writing things that catch my fancy as they come to mind, try to go easier on myself for not turning my blog into a literary masterpiece--and therefore giving myself permission to write more--and not apologize when I let it go.
...Except for this apology. Sorry about that.
